Ramblings from a Twisted Mind

More than a decade ago, the tv show Spartacus was a guilty pleasure of mine. I started watching because BtVS and AtS alumnus Steven DeKnight was the showrunner (since then, he's also gathered additional geek cred with the first season of the Netflix Daredevil), and kept watching because as gory and pulpy and trashy as it was, it (after a bad pilot) turned into something compulsively watchable, with interesting characters galore, complicated relationships and good acting. You can read my review of the first season and the prequel season here, of the second season here, and of the third and final season here.

Now a spin-off of said show has just started (in my part of the world, you can watch it on Amazon Prime, but this seems to be different in different countries - like the original show, it gets shown on STARZ in the US) with the first two episodes released. I was alerted to this a few months ago when Steven DeKnight entertainingly shot down the whiny "Woke!" complaints by the usual suspects that started as soon as the first pics were released, showing, OMG, a black woman in a central role among the cast. (Given the original show had several prominent female characters, some of which were poc, and also had canon on screen important m/m relationships, and of course had at its central subject a slave revolt, it beats me why anoyne familiar with said original show should have assumed the show creators being inclined towards the Orance Menace type of entertainment and (lack of) ethos beats me, but there we are. Anyway, the premise of the show per se didn't feel like a must watch to me (more about this later), and I might have hesitated given all the Darth Real Life stuff dodging me, but all the indignation of ignorant fanatics definitely worked as great advertisement. What is the premise? Basically a canon AU, with the title of the spin-off: "Spartacus: House of Ashur" being a giveaway. I.e. it shows what would have happened if one of the original show's villains hadn't ( spoiler for the original show ) - what would have to Ashur, personally, that is, since everything else that happened in the third season of the original show still did happen in the canon AU which starts in what sounds like not even a year after the original show ended. While Ashur had been a good and entertaining villain, I hadn't exactly yearned for a "What if?" about him, yet, see above, external circumstances plus the fact the show really HAD been compulsive watching for me made me tune in and check out the first two episodes.

( Gratitude! )

Not being an Alexander the Great fangirl, I had never read the primary sources (which were written centuries later, because all the contemporary sources on AtG were lost) on everyone's favourite Macedon, but now I got around to reading at least Plutarch. And you know, if there is ONE thing not just the late Ms Renault and her trilogy but the entire internet led me to believe, it's that Hephaistion was Alexander's One True Love And Soulmate; even absolute homophobes concede him as the friend of friends, the Patroclos to Alexander's Achilles, etc. So imagine my suprrise when I stumbled upon these few paragraphs by good old Plutarch:

Moreover, when he saw that among his chiefest friends Hephaestion approved his course and joined him in changing his mode of life, while Craterus clung fast to his native ways, he employed the former in his business with the Barbarians, the latter in that with the Greeks and Macedonians. And in general he showed most affection for Hephaestion, but most esteem for Craterus, thinking, and constantly saying, that Hephaestion was a friend of Alexander, but Craterus a friend of the king.

For this reason, too, the men cherished a secret grudge against one another and often came into open collision. And once, on the Indian expedition, they actually drew their swords and closed with one another, and as the friends of each were coming to his aid, Alexander rode up and abused Hephaestion publicly, calling him a fool and a madman for not knowing that without Alexander's favour he was nothing; and in private he also sharply reproved Craterus.

Then he brought them together and reconciled them, taking an oath by Ammon and the rest of the gods that he loved them most of all men; but that if he heard of their quarrelling again, he would kill them both, or at least the one who began the quarrel. Wherefore after this they neither did nor said anything to harm one another, not even in jest.


Craterus? CRATERUS? And he "abused Hephaistion publicly?" Hephaistion - who in fiction shows up eternally chill and calming emo Alex down - was jealous of some guy who wasn't at least Bagoas? Truly, this is not what I expected.

To be fair: Plutarch also later describes the complete breakdown and momentous grief for Hephaistion when Heph dies. (Oh, and he does mention Bagoas as well, to wit: We are told, too, that he was once viewing some contests in singing and dancing, being well heated with wine, and that his favourite, Bagoas, won the prize for song and dance, and then, all in his festal array, passed through the theatre and took his seat by Alexander's side; at sight of which the Macedonians clapped their hands and loudly bade the king kiss the victor, until at last he threw his arms about him and kissed him tenderly. ) Still. I feel let down by the OTPlers.

Not really surprised, though. This kind of thing happens constantly in Frederician fandom.

To celebrate the latest example of research making everyone more complicated, I'm linking this gem, which includes both Alex and Fritz: